Possum Vs. Possum-sized Cat

This here duel done come from Justin.

That was my southern accent, because he lives in Texas now, and I think the possum's main function in life is being hillbilly food.

I'm not sure why he thought this merited even asking. A cat is basically a tiny version of a lion (check the latin name, fuckbrains).

Compare that to a possum, which is basically an O-less version of an opossum. And christ, c'mon, it's not like the expression is "playing cat". The only thing possums are even known for is being a gigantic, gaping vagina when it comes to confrontation. Except the big one; I call him Bitey.



Compare this to cats-- 9 lives and only killed by beauty. Or curiosity. I always get cats and King Kong confused because they're so fucking badass. And-- if science has taught me anything-- prehensile hands.

So congratulations cats. May no one ever call you a pussy again.

Octopus vs. Crocodile

This duel comes from Natasha's brother's class. And when she said brother, I hope he's in like fucking kindergarten, because no class of a postpubescent age should be dumb enough to think this is even close.

Have you ever seen a crocodile? Sure, they terrorize New York City toilets or something, but christ, they're only like a feet high. They're not like Lake Placcid alligators or some shit. But octopi are such fucking beasts the pleural of their name doesn't even allow the risk of calling them (octo)pussies. And c'mon, the movie wasn't called Megashark vs. Giant Crocodile.



Why is this a question? Do people even fucking read 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea anymore? Motherfucking Jules Verne! That might actually have been a squid, but what's the fucking difference anyway.