To Bee or Not To Bee

More like something's rotten in the state of Denmark*.

"Nick, what are you talking about?"

Shut up and I'll tell you. Jesus, it's like you've never read my work before.

Anyways, I don't like to get my news from movies, but in M. Night Shyamalan's The Happening, Marky Mark notes that all of the bees are disappearing and why this is important.

He's right and he's wrong. Kind of like his decision to become famous, but first doing it via the Funky Bunch. But I digress.

See, bees are important. What what happen to us without bees? We'd be doomed.

"Really?"

Yes motherfucker, sit down and shut up. So here's why we'd be doomed. Without bees there would be no honey. And without honey there'd be no honey nut cheerios. What the hell would we eat for breakfast?

Eggs. Yeah. Then as an entire race, our cholesterol would spike and we'd all die of heart disease. So yes, bees are important you ignorant little twits.

But are they in danger? Are they dying? Fuck no. What Wahlberg and Shyamalan don't seem to understand is that bees are tiny yet efficient killing machines. They can fly and have stingers. I mean, shit, if we had airplanes that had stingers on them, we probably would've won the Vietnam war**.

No, bees aren't in trouble. M. Night Shyamalan's just an idiot***. Of course, Shyamalan being an idiot is a surprise to no one who has seen any of his films that don't start with the words "The Sixth Sense". Seriously, did you people see the Happening****? You know how it ends? I'll tell you. The plants are doing it. Yeah, the plants are killing everyone. Plants.

I can keep saying it, but it doesn't make it any less retarded. Plants.

Shyamalan should be ashamed of himself. He should start paying back the American people $7.75 at a time.

Psh. Plants killing bees. That's idiotic. They NEED bees to fucking live. Ever heard of pollination Shyamalan? Or did you miss that day of 6th grade biology because that's when you wrote the Village*****. I don't think Shyamalan has enough respect for the bees. Which is why our first duel regarding bees will be as such:

The Duel: M Night Shyamalan vs. his weight in bees.

I'm going to assume that M's weight is about 130 lb. Yes, I'm assuming this grown man weighs as much as I did when I was 15. If he has a problem with it, I'm willing to fight him again. Spoiler alert: I kicked his ass the first time. He actually based Bruce Willis' character in Unbreakable on me. I'd recommend you go see it just for that, but I wouldn't do that to you. That is Samuel L Jackson's worst movie ever. And yes, I'm aware of the significance that has.

I'd spell out the rest of the duel for you, but let's be honest, 18 bees would kick the shit out of M Night Shyamalan. 130 pounds of bees is pretty unnecessary here.

I'll catch up with you all soon. We have a lot of work to do.
--Nick


*That's Shakespeare bitches, try to keep up.
**I'm looking at you, Lyndon B. Johnson.
***Did you know Night isn't even his real middle name? What a douche.
****I didn't. But that's because I'm a relatively smart person. You have yet to prove yourself.
*****I will never see this film. Spoiler: it takes place in current time, not 100 years ago. Seriously.