“Never play cat and mouse games if you're a mouse.”

“Never play cat and mouse games if you're a mouse.”

Don Addis said that. I don't know who the fuck this Don character is, or what king got stabbed to death with pitchforks by his countrymen and made him the fucking leader of the free world and telling me what to do, but I for one don't like it. Not one goddamn bit.

Beastduels won't stand for being told what to do. No, Mr. Addis, you cocksucking snake in the grass. We're gonna fight back. Which brings us to our next duel.

The competitors: A snake vs. a mouse

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Whoa.

Hold up. A snake versus a mouse? Seriously? Some of you might be saying to yourselves "this is pointless. A snake could never lose to a mouse." Well you'd be right.

And by right I mean retarded, shut the fuck up and let me finish.

The duel: The classic fight to the death.

The arena: Cage match.

So this Addis dickhead is saying to never play cat and mouse games if you're a mouse. But what about if you're up against a snake? Didn't think of that, did you Addis?! Yeah, fuck you. Maybe if you'd done some better research you wouldn't be retired.

So what does the snake have going for it? They're bendy. They're evil. They have creepy eyes. Sam Jackson made a movie about them being on an airplane. Seems like the complete package, amirite?

Wrong. Snakes don't have arms or legs, idiots. How the fuck could that defeat anything? Ever see the movie Anaconda?



Neither did I, it looked fucking terrible. Who wants to see a movie about some worm killing people too dumb to punch and kick? If I wanted that, I'd watch fucking Gandhi.

The advantage is clearly mouse here. Don't believe me?

Really?

You don't believe me. C'mon, you faithful moronic sheep readers of mine, have I ever led you astray? Besides that one time?

No, I haven't. The proof is in the pudding. I don't know what that means, so I'll just post a picture.



The mouse wins. But this isn't just a victory for the mouse; no, this is far greater than that. This is a victory for all of us as Americans. Nay, as human beings. Our victory against Don Addis. Don't ever fucking tell us not to be something again, you piece of shit.

Until next time, happy dueling.
--Nick