Gandhi Vs. Mother Teresa
Gandhi is famous for ~fighting for Indian independence, not eating, and looking uncomfortably like Ben Kingsley. The guy's really an inspiration. I haven't eaten in like six hours and would definitely succumb to imperialists if I found out my microwave didn't work.
Plus, fuck the British. I had to listen to people talk about that fucking wedding for like six months. I went to a wedding last week that only took 20 minutes and I thought that was boring as hell. It's beyond me why any self-respecting human would get up at 3 in the goddamn morning to watch the wedding of a monarchy we don't even subscribe to.
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| I feel like someone should point out to the British that their hats are ugly. |
Then there's Mother Teresa. She is a step shy of being canonized after the miracle of curing cancer that 1) probably wasn't even cancer and 2) was being treated medically. Talk about a true divine intervention.
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| No, I didn't steal this joke from Bill Hicks |
She has also helped the poor by keeping them poor but making them Catholic. She's also notable for being against birth control and abortions, which doesn't really matter because no one would fuck her anyway.
So who would win? Probably Mother Teresa. Gandhi wouldn't survive much more than a fierce head-butting. Plus, she has Edward Norton on her side.
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| "Skinny guys fight 'til they're burger" |
Adios,
Nick
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