Horsies!

So yesterday was the Kentucky Derby, which I somehow stumbled upon and got to watch the last couple hundred yards from 30 different fucking vantage points.  I get it.  The horse crossed the finish line first.  It's not gonna fucking change when you switch to the aerial view.

The winner of the 2011 Beast Duels-sponsored Kentucky Derby was called Animal Kingdom, which I'm pretty sure was named after an Australian movie with plot holes so gaping I'm pretty sure they fucking bend light.

When the race ended, the interviewed the winning jockey-- which is a horribly named profession.  It's bad enough they're all short and squirrely, but their job doesn't need to conjure up images of goddamn tighty whities.  So they're interviewing this short cocksucker and they ask him about his racing strategy.

The jockey.  No shit.

His strategy?!  "Uh, I sat on the horse.  And then... kept doing it."  Can't wait for the Lifetime story about that dude.  It'll be like A Beautiful Mind Part II.

I can't imagine anything more unnecessary than a jockey.  It's a horse race.  Just let the horses go.  They're in narrow lanes, it's not like they're gonna get turned around.

The worst part of the whole Kentucky Derby ordeal was when I realized that that horse's ejaculate was worth more than my fucking brand new car.  Brutal.