Batman Vs. Superman

This week's duel is Batman vs. Superman.

I'll do what I can to have batman win here, since he's awesome and Superman is pretty horrible.  As a comic  book crusader against criminals and all that is evil, the tales of Superman are pretty worthless.  It's like talking about who the hottest girl is in your high school, and then one of your friends says "well Katrina Bowden is hotter".

Of course she is you fucking idiot.  She's the space alien who is impervious to bullets of hot girls.  She's so hot there's not even a point in mentioning her.  And that's why Superman is so fucking boring.  "Oh, the bad guys have a bunch of guns? Too bad for them, not even guns can kill me."  Yeah, it's really fucking exciting to watch someone who's never in any danger.  That's why I stopped watching House.  I watched the whole first season of people actively seizing and hemorrhaging out their GI tracts but still no one ever died in that goddamn show.

And Superman's villains are awful.  Batman has the Joker, Two-Face, The Mad-Hatter... I'll forgive them the abortion that Batman and Robin was. Who could've predicted that an Arnold Schwarzanagger film would be terrible?

Compare that to villains like Lex Luthor.  The bad guy is just some billionaire mogul?  Shit, in real life when some billionaire bent on capitalist domination at the expense of child labor dies, we hold iPod-light vigils for them at the mall.

We're better off siding with the rich guy instead. Look at Bruce Wayne.  That dude could've sat around and slept with supermodels (maybe even Katrina Bowden?) and spent his money on shit like ten-thousand dollar shoes and gold pens.  Instead he learned how to kick ass and drives a cooler car than Marty McFly.

Frankly, I know Superman would win in a fight.  I don't give a fuck.  A world where Superman is the coolest superhero we've got isn't a world I don't want to live in.

On Netflix

Netflix's technical prowess is pretty impressive.  They have literally thousands of movies available to watch instantly.  Their technology is so good that watching a movie on instant is actually faster than just getting up from my couch and putting a DVD in.  It's really increased my risk of getting a blood clot.

The instant watch feature is so widely used, it accounts for approximately 25% of all internet traffic in North America. That puts it in 2nd place for all causes of internet usage, and the number 1 cause for all internet traffic that doesn't include blonde high school drop-outs thinking that they're now just one lucky break away from starring in a major motion picture.

They're so efficient at streaming video it's actually gotten to the point where if it lags for five seconds, I suffer from an intense rage due to a sense of instant gratification entitlement that I've only known for a year but feel like I've known my whole life.  It's actually kind of romantic.

Netflix is so meticulous in their process that they've managed to create genres way beyond what I'd ever felt a need to know of in my life.  For twenty-some years I was limited by just a few categories like comedy, drama, horror and movies with those nice blonde girls I was talking about earlier.  But now, I have options of genres like "Swedish Serial Killer Movies With a Female Narrator" or "Critically Acclaimed Movies from the 70's That Would Have Received More Commercial Success If DeNiro Had Been in Them, But Are Still Worth a Watch".  And each category will have like twenty fucking movies.  Which is great, because I'm a big fan of those genres.

That being said, if they're so fucking smart then how come Rock-a-Doodle is in my Top 10 Picks for Nick?

Oh well.  I guess it's not like they divided up their instant and DVD services.  Or named something "Qwikster".