25 Things

I keep reading this shit in my Facebook feed:

Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

It's like a fucking chain-letter gone awry that I can't even ignore. Seriously. My stupid feed is chock-full of that shit.

Anyways, I'm bored and uninspired so I'm going to name things until I either reach 25, or get bored. I'm also not tagging any of you, because I don't want to know more about you. You're here on my blog, where the focus is on me. If you can't deal with that, move to fucking Russia.

1. There are nations that worship Beast Duels as a deity. All other nations will crumble and are doomed to eternal damnation.
2. I check Justin's blog hourly and telepathically remind him I'm an exponentially better blogger than he is.
3. A hooker in Atlantic City refused to have her picture taken with me.
4. She kinda looked like this:
   
5. I could probably play some guitar like Dave Matthews or Jack Johnson or some shit if I wanted to, but I don't do it because I'm not a douchebag.
6. Not to keep harping on how awful M. "Night" Shyamalan is, but if that cocksucker wanted to make a movie with a crazy plot-twist ending, what he should do is when the movie ends, have it not suck. Or fuck it, just not make me want to kill myself.
7. I'm aware these are all supposed to be about me. I'm willing to deal with the consequences of disobeying chain letters. I got a bomb-shelter to hide out in, just in case. Don't worry about me, bitches.
   
8. Remember when the dude on the ten dollar bill got shot? That shit is like beast duels, American History style.
9. I wish that pandas got pissed off more often. That'd really spice shit up around here.
10. If I found a baby T. rex, I'd totally keep it and be willing to face the consequences of raising it poorly.
11. I'd have no idea who the hell Kim Kardashian is if she didn't videotape herself getting fucked.
12. How terrible are people who think the movie Crash was good? I know you won't answer, so I'll tell you: really fucking terrible. That movie is so awful. It's like Love Actually, but they replaced Keira Knightley with racism.
    
13. Justin and Jake have continued to share their poor Beast Dueling skills by trying to posit that a zombie could defeat its weight in bees. I'm not gonna even bother justifying their poor opinions with my logic behind my decree. Let's just say I know for a fact that they're wrong. I'm not legally allowed to disclose any more than that.
    
14. How fucking hilarious is tetanus?
15. I can't believe you people are really reading all this.
16. If you've ever seen a picture of HPV in a male, it basically looks like someone fucked a jar of strawberry jelly.
17. It's not often that I want to be the ocean. This is one of those rare moments. (may be not safe for work).
18. This dude fucking rocks.
19. So do these guys (on a poker site, but not about poker).
20. You're seriously still reading this? I'm not even reading this. This shit has seriously taken me like two weeks to write because I get bored every time I name something else.
21. I wonder if I'll finish writing this before Patrick Swayze dies.
    
22. "If you watch Jeopardy! backwards, it's a show about rich people paying money for answers to stupid questions."
23. I decided I'm against legalizing marijuana. Not because I think it's wrong or dangerous, but because if it's legal, a lot of people are gonna fucking piss me off.
24. This poster has actually found its way into being used in my day to day eSlang.
    
25. This was a waste of time. It seriously took me over a month to write all this. You basically just got robbed of like five minutes. Good luck trying to get it back.
    

Catch you dummies later,
--Nick