Unfortunately, it's March which means every movie in theaters right now probably sucks whale cock.
They have those, right?
Anyways, I was really excited for Watchmen to come out after having read the book and seeing the trailer with the awesome Smashing Pumpkins song. But then it came out and I still haven't seen it.
Maybe the Smashing Pumpkins song also being in Batman and Robin somehow conditioned me to want to stay away from anything associated with that song. Seriously, that movie was gayer than going to see Milk with Clay Aiken.
I don't think that's it, though; I'm not really the type to hold a grudge, right?
I'm pretty sure the reason I still haven't gone to see Watchmen can be summed up in two words, equaling one gigantic douche: Zack Snyder.
Right now, you're probably saying to yourself "Who the fuck is that? It looks like the genetically engineered gay love-child of Dexter and Seth Meyers."
IF FUCKING ONLY. At least then we'd be provided with Weekend-Update-hilarity while simultaneously having vigilante justice being enacted on those who managed to escape the worthless bitchslap of the law.
But no, Zack Snyder is the moron behind such abysmal films as 300. This asshole took an awesome graphic novel and great cinematography and somehow managed to end up with one of the most detestable movies ever made. I think this movie was the first time I ever rolled my eyes at a sex scene. That should speak volumes.
It is literally impossible for anyone to like this movie and have an above average IQ. There's just no goddamn way.
Zack Snyder's been on my shit list before 300 came out though. Why?
Because that dumb motherfucker thought he was so important that he should remake Dawn of the Dead.
What the fuck would ever make him think that's a good idea? Like it could be improved upon or something?
What the hell Zack Snyder, you arrogant little prick. You think you're so goddamn important that you can go around and just remake whatever you want? You asshole. This isn't fucking Death Race that you remade, it was a horror movie classic. Jesus fucking christ, you don't mess with the classics. I mean think about it. It's not like there's someone out there that's so delusional and arrogant that they're gonna remake the fucking Bible or something.
So the eternal struggle continues. Am I in the mood to see the fantastic tale of washed up superheroes, corruption, and betrayal... get anally violated by arguably the worst director of this generation?
Only time will tell. The only thing I'm sure of is this: the outcome of Beast Duels vs. Zack Snyder. I shouldn't need to elaborate. Let's just say if his career was a person, I'd kick it in the face and then drown it in a kiddie pool filled with its own blood.
God I hate that guy.
Later bitches,
Nick
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