More dueling. Who could ask for anything more, amirite? Let's get right to it.
The Competitors: 200 lb Jaguar vs. 300 lb Snake
Wait a minute. A jungle cat fighting a snake? This seems oddly familiar, doesn't it? I can't quite put my finger on it...
Oh, right, right. That. How did that turn out in animated form?
I think having your entire body contract scoliosis pretty much means you lost, Kaa. So we've got the opinion of Disney, but you know what? Fuck Disney. We beast duel the old-fashioned way, don't we? So we're going to witness this beast duel ourselves; you can eat your heart out, Rudyard Kipling. Yeah, I'm talking to you, you dead racist douche.
Let's just analyze the different styles of fighting these two creatures will tend to employ. One will be coming out with bites and scratches; the other with vicious choke-holds and strangulation.
Actually, that sounds kinda like what Spring break's been like for me, if you catch my drift*.
Annnnyways, back to the duel. You kids should feel lucky today. Privileged, even. Because I have a fucking awesome gift for you. What could it possibly be?
It's video of this duel! And not just any video. Video with awful narration but the most fucking epic soundtrack that filmstrips from the 1950's can provide. Let's check this shit out.
That jaguar pretty much kicked ass. Narrator-dude says he was at risk of being choked to death or something, but I don't think he has any idea what he's talking about. Sir David Attenborough would've definitely done a better job.
So kudos to you, giant kitty. You managed to take down a creature that severely outweighed you and had no arms. I only hope that someday if I'm ever in a skirmish with a 400 pounded handicapped guy, I can thrive with a similar flair.
Til next time,
Nick
*c'mon. Think about it dummy.
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