I'm in Nigeria right now. Internet is shoddy, so I'll make this shit quick.
By some crazy miracle, a Nigerian Prince actually emailed me and said he was having a brief money crisis and needed to borrow a few grand from me. Am I that fucking sweet that I'm well-known transcontinentally? I don't wanna say yes, but you know what they say about proof and pudding. They go together.
Anyways, the dude said if I could do him that favor, he said he'd repay me ten times that later.
Now, I'm no genius* but that seems like a pretty goddamn good business decision. I emailed Prince Barrister Azeez back to let him know I'd send the money. Not long after I sent it, he said he was having some trouble paying me back. I said "fuck it your highness, it's cool. I'll fly out to see you." I mean, shit, I've always wanted to meet a Prince.
Actually, not really. I couldn't give two sloppy fucks about meeting a prince. Not even this guy:
Or this asshole:
But fuck it, I was aboutsta get paid, knaamsayin**?
So I hopped on a plane
and flew my ass to Nigeria. The Prince is so balla that he said he'd even pay me double what he was gonna AND fly me back to the U.S. on a private jet. The Prince'll probably hook it up with some Cristal like I'm fuckin Puff Daddy or something, too. This whole deal's gotta be the best $5,000 investment I've ever made.
I better wrap this up for now. The Bantus are juntaing or something and it's really fucking with my wireless. Azeez better hurry his royal-ass up with that goddamn plane. Once I get back in the States, I've got some photos to show you from this place, so here's hoping The Prince gets me some transport before I go Idi Amin on his ass. And not in the weird, lazy-eyed, Forest Whitaker way either.
Alright guys, this is Nick signing off from sunny Nigeria.
*yeah right, like anyone believes I'm not a genius
**slang for "Do you know what I am saying?"
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